the internet is huge and unloving. in some weird twist of fate i have become semi-spiritual in a way unique to my own and i want to use this as a diary. basically. whatever. mentally ill ramblings of a crazed man.

4/10/23

today was my first day off work in 6 days after working open to close all week i am soo exhausted. i woke up at 10am, kinda early but still i got some beauty sleep. i made .myself some potatoes and eggs for breakfast with some fruit...oh hell yeas :heart: i will attach a pic right now hold up

i had to scale the image down and it fucked with the quality :SOBSSOBS: i dont know how to fix that.. ill figure it out later maybe

the plan was to go watch the mario movie today with elliott and mom, we were gonna go to a movie theater for the first time since the pandemic started. the last movie we all saw together in theaters was the sonic movie - quite a while ago. buuuut she realized she already had plans to play d&d with her friends.... i was really disappointed and ended up laying down for a few hours feeling sad for myself, LOL.

4/11/23

i slept in until 12 am and made myself pretty much the same thing i ate yesterday for breakfast, but i used sweet potatoes instead of yukon gold potatoes - SO GOOD! i'm gonna be honest i will not really be posting many pictures cause it is so tedious to take them, port them to the computer, upload to neocities, then link it LOLL... i know myself and i know i will NOT keep up with that.

me and sashy were supposed to call today, we haven't talked on the phone for over two weeks and i miss him . frowns. i've been busy at work and he's been busy. uh. playing animal jam.. Heheee. but he ended up going to the ER???? baby's first panic attack :SOBSSOBS: i was SO worried about him i had a little panic attack of my own LOLL #traumatized so while i waited for him to tell me what happened i closed the blinds in my room and turned on my little heart light from ikea, i put lavender oil in my diffuser and turned it on, i also turned on my white noise machine to rain +thunder noises. while i was having a really hard time regulating myself, i'm doing a lot better than i used to. i was able to think logically and acknowledge that there was no need to panic before i knew what happened, even though i still was panicking it wasnt that bad. hopefully we can call soon but i would rather him feel better.

OH. also i applied to work at the petsmart near my house!! since my lifeguarding job is part time i need more money since i'm like the only one working in my household right now. i really hope they hire me, especially because then i get a discount on the fishtank supplies i plan on buying hehehe

OH AND??? i got a haircut!!! i was feeling like my hair was getting a little too long, so i went to get it cut. i'm not sure how much i like it... it's short which is good, but it's not the best haircut i've ever had -_-

4/12/23

i woke up before my alarm did today, i got some good sleep though. for breakfast again i ate potatoes and eggs its so scrumdiddlyumptious... i went to the grocery store so i can make something else tomorrow though teehee!!! i was schedueled to work from 12:30 to 5 today, we test rided some of the slides. so basically i got paid to ride waterslides for 4 hours >:3 honestly, it was really fun! one of the slides was a little too powerful and it kept flipping me over, but still i enjoyed it ^_^

one of my coworkers has a gi-joe+the mandelorian sticker so i asked about it, and we ended up talking about star wars for a while. he did assume i hadn't watched the movies like be forreall..... i've watched it more than him probably!! i'm trying to get along with the boys better, i know they don't see me as "one of them" but i hope they at least see me as a boyish girl. i get along with most of the girls well, and i'm friendly with the guys... i dont know i just wish i could be seen as a guy while im at work. oh well!!

THE MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE SHIRTS I BOUGHT ON SALE CAME IN!!!! i bought 5 of them (one is a repeat) and it's all designs ive wanted to own for YEARS i am so so so excited i got my hands on these shirts. they were all supposed to be kids 3xl (so like an adult medium) but. like 2 of them are adult 3xls???? i guess i'll take what i can get but i am mildly annoyed, if i knew they would be adult sizes i would've gotten a smaller size. oh well :p i'll put a pic of the shirts i got riiiiight here

4/13/23

after being a fan of they might be giants since i was a Literal Babys i finally saw them in concert!!! i got a tote bag since the t-shirts they had for merch didn't seem like my style ^_^

IMAGE OF TOTE BAG

they . they uh. learned one of their songs backwards and performed it backwards? like they were singing backwards and everything and then they played a recording of them performing it backwards?? so it was like how it was supposed to be i dont know it was a very Strange concert, but of course that's what i was hoping for. also some lady got kicked out for trying to mosh to doctor worm because she ended up just harrassing people (she wwas a liiiitle drunk LOLL

4/14/23

today i worked from 9-5 -_-... at least im getting hours but most of that time was just standing around, LOL.. we test rided the waterslides again for a few hours then spent like 4 hours cleaning the park.. zzzzz so sleepie

after work i spent some time cleaning up my room, doing laundry and stuff like that. it gets a little messy while im working cause i struggle with putting things away right away, and it piles up since i'm busy at work T_T BUT im doing better, im really working hard to make sure i clean once a week at least

also, i spent some time catching up on a few videos by one of my favorite youtubers, leahsfieldnotes. i really admire her outlook on life and she's been a very positive influence on me trying to make my life feel more like "me". i know her lifestyle will never be attainable for me, but the way she speaks makes me value my daily life more and more ^_^ SO. been catchin up. also watched a hour video about why the sims 4 sucks LOLL

4/15/23

i woke up at 6:30 am NATURALLY?? what is up with me im almost like a real person?! and im NOT exhausted?? im flabberghasted honestly. woke up and immediately started listening to love songs >_<

today i work from 10am to 6:30pm.. i couldve slept in but i guess my body didnt want to ..?

of course right as i get to work i start feeling so sick. i think it's because i missed my morning medication yesterday..? i threw up and the whole day i was shaking and having like cold sweats?? i had to rescue someone from the water as well @_@ miraculously somehow i got through the day and i just got home and crashed so hard. zzzz

4/16/23

i had to call out of work i was feeling so shitty. all day i just took naps and felt the world spinning around me. sucky day + i lost a day of pay rip...

4/17/23

i feel a LOT better today thank god.. mostly having no sick symptoms. however i did miss my caplyta yesterday and i'm feeling extremely depressed so That's Cool!!

i was gonna watch a ghibli movie with sashy but he. um. did not show up he was busy playing animal jam and he forgor me which on top of me feeling depressed because i missed my meds helped trigger a huge meltdown x_x

it took a while but i was finally able to calm myself down after a few hours and i fell asleep really quickly :p